I am disgusted with myself. I can't stop myself from eating crap. It's not that I don't know what I need to eat and what I need to avoid. Believe me, I KNOW!
In 2002, I joined Weight Watchers and lost 23 pounds. I watched portions, ate things that were good for me, and avoided things that weren't so good for me.
Last year, while training for my first Iron Girl triathlon, I lost 18 pounds. During the training, I participated in the YMCA's 12-Week Challenge. It was kind of like a Biggest Loser contest where pounds lost and percent lost was taken into consideration to determine winners. The top 3 finishers got prizes...I came in 4th place by only 1 point.
Right now I'm once again participating in a YMCA challenge. For this one, you paid $10 and the goal is to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks. Do it and you get your money back. Don't do it and they keep your money.
So, even though I'm in the middle of a contest, I still choose to eat crap. We had a class today and we ordered pizza and wings for them for lunch. Luckily, the only pizza the students left were about 3 slices of mushroom, so I didn't have any. If they had left something different, I'm certain I would have had a slice. There were some wings left and I made sure to have a couple...or 3...or 4. Then, we put cookies out for them for an afternoon snack. I'll just have 1...OK, maybe 1 more...and 1 more...and 1 more.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?
At times, I don't bring food with me because I know there will be food left over from the students. This morning, I decided to bring a salad so I could be "good." I also brought something to have as a mid-morning snack and an afternoon snack. I ate the salad in addition to the wings, but the snacks sat there.
I will pat myself on the back because I did eat my mid-morning snack after I got home and got Alex off the bus. I'm notorious for stuffing my face once Alex gets home. I did stuff my face, but this one was pretty good:
It's a recipe from Wegman's called Super Sunrise Start. VERY GOOD and VERY GOOD FOR YOU!
While I was standing at the kitchen counter enjoying this, I also was tempted by this:
This was left over from Mother's Day yesterday. My mom brought them over for dessert. What I should do is throw it all away or have Dan bring it in to his work. If I bring it in to work then I will be the one to eat it. Dan isn't crazy about sweets, so he's got a better chance of avoiding it. But, I know tonight after dinner, I will help myself to something.
I hate how food has such control over me. Always has and it feels like it always will. I think it was on Biggest Loser this season where I heard the quote that goes something like this: "Saying NO to that (some sort of "bad" food) is saying YES to me." Why can't I have that mind-set? I just want to stare food in the eye, give it the finger, and defeat it once and for all.