Thursday, September 20, 2012
Let me fill you in on my eating today:
Breakfast: Yesterday I made a big batch of scrambled eggs (whole eggs and some liquid egg whites) plus some chopped up low fat deli ham. I made enough to eat yesterday and then heat the rest today. I haven't been eating great lately, so I wanted to try to get through one day...JUST ONE DAY...of eating better.
Probably 15 min after finishing breakfast, I ate a brownie. REALLY???? I couldn't even get past breakfast before eating like crap???
Lunch: I did OK here. Went to the food truck and ordered chicken salad. Problem was they served it on a home made roll that was so rich that it tasted like it was made with 10 lb of butter. Oh, then I had chips with it...real potato chips, not any of that low fat stuff. And a diet Pepsi...because that cancels the calories, right??? Alright, I guess I didn't do "OK here." :(
Right after lunch I wanted to go into our work kitchen and get an ice cream sandwich out of the freezer. A co-worker was "nice" and brought in a huge box for everyone. I think I've had one every day since he brought them in.
All the way home I craved some Cape Cod reduced fat (hey, they're good for me because they're reduced fat, right???) and some roasted red pepper dip. Got home and inhaled them...so much that my stomach ached when I was done. The only thing that stopped me was that I had to go to the bus stop to get Alex.
So now we're sitting at dinner. We're eating leftovers: roasted pork loin, grilled sirloin, and grilled zucchini. Dan and I are talking with Alex about his eating. Alex tells us that even after eating breakfast at home, he usually goes to the cafeteria at school and has another breakfast...or 2nd breakfast for you Hobbitt fans! He says he eats it because he's still hungry after our breakfast. We tell him that we give him plenty and that we don't want him to get fat. Alex stands up and says something like, "I'm not fat look at me!" (He's right...he's not fat. But I don't want him to get fat eventually because both Dan and I struggled with weight as kids.)
Then he drops the bomb: "Now you, on the other hand..." (Which is being directed at me.)
Dan immediately gets mad and comes to my defense telling Alex that what he said was hurtful and to apologize. I just sat there kind of quiet. He's right.
He's not right to the point that I need to go on Biggest Loser or anything. But he definitely has a point. Neither of them know what I went through eating-wise today. But looking back, I'm disgusted with myself. Something's got to change. I know what to do, but I don't do it.
I felt like crap after eating the AM brownie, the ice cream sandwich, the chips and dip, and oh yeah, I had another brownie after dinner. I seem to have amnesia and quickly forget the crappy feeling I get after eating like this and I do it over and over and over again.
Something's go to give. Maybe the brutal honesty from my 7-year old will help.